Grumpy me

I hate me when I'm grumpy.
If I realize that I'm being grumpy or getting grumpy I try really hard to stop myself giving in to those feelings. But I have to confess that mainly I fail. I can't stop myself from getting grumpy, giving in to annoyance or stress or whatever it is that pulls at me.
I say grumpy, I mean being annoyed, pissed off, or generally short tempered. I don't get like this too often, but when I do I hate it in myself. Its not that I don't see the way I am, or why its stupid to be that way...it's just that I'm stuck in that way of thinking and need a bit of time before i can get out of it. Funnily enough the way I get when I'm annoyed normally leads to me acting in a way that I dislike in other people, very hypocritical I know, but sometimes you can't help it.
Then, with me, I get out of my bad mood as quickly as it came on, and I just know I was being silly.
I suppose it's just one of the pitfall that we come across from time to time and all I can do is try to avoid falling in, or aim to climb out as quickly as possible...oh and try not to be too much of a bitch in the meantime.

Shocking

I decided that by changing my blog layout I might inspire myself to start writing posts on a more regular basis. Lets face it, for me that wouldn't be hard. Anyway here is the first I'll try to fallow with something actually vaguely interesting when I'm not tired. Night. xx

Out of Africa...

the name of the cheesy African merchandise shop in the airport departures lounge of Johannesburg's main airport. After over a week in the tents of Mankwe game reserve in a world so far removed from the tacky, commercialism of real life, it was an interesting sight.

I'm not really sure where to start when it comes to describing those 13 days. I could start with some adjectives like amazing, awe inspiring, but really they don't do it justice. I feel like I've visited another world, and when the big air conditioned coach came to get us to take us to the airport it sort of shattered a dream.

So what was South Africa like, in brief, because I could go on for a long time.

Well, it was cold, very cold, at night. we all wrapped up and sat around the big fire pit huddling together with our fleeces and coats on. The first few days everyone shivered at night and in the morning. We had porridge and cooked breakfasts every morning to try to warm us up.
Then in was hot, during the day the sun came up and the temperature rose steadily and predictable so that slowly we all shed our gloves and got our sun glasses and sun cream out.
This was our daily cycle, warm clothes in the morning, slowly lost, then in the evening regained.

We stayed in a family run game reserve, with the amazing Dougal, Jack Bower of the game reserves, can do anything, placed himself between us and three angry Rhinos (literally), that sort of person.

We saw amazing animals, that can't really be described, and we ate lots of them!! Obviously not Rhino, giraffe or elephant...that would be stupid. But Wildebeest and Eland are lovely (spot the carnivore!)

I've been spiked repeatedly by a variety of species of Acacia bush, made a fool of myself in front of three lecturers and spent 25 hours on various planes.

So all in all, I'm warn out, happy, and have billions of photos!! Oh and I love traveling on open top jeeps!


P.S. The circle of life doesn't play every time the sun rises, but it was beautiful.

Hedgehogs of the World

A friend of my recently said that part of who we are is tied to what we don't tell people. Our personality is tied just as much to what we don't say or do, as it is to what we actually do or say. As people are inhibitions define us as much as any other aspect of our personality.

I'd never thought of it this way. I'm always very caught up in trying not to be the boring, quiet, closed person that I think I am. So I tend to think of inhibitions or fears, or just not wanting to talk about something as a bad thing. This doesn't mean I do it any less, it just means that I hate myself for doing it, I think should be stronger or braver.

But this conversation really made me think. What if it's not intrinsically a bad think. What it sometimes not telling people things is a good think, a part of my personality not to be despised but just another aspect of who I am.

Without my inhibitions, without yours, we wouldn't be the people we are, we would be unrecognizable, and we wouldn't necessarily be better, it wouldn't make us free. Without the parts of us that we don't show, or don't talk about or don't think people know (often they do anyway), without self enforced boundaries, we wouldn't be nice people to be around, we'd just be like animals.

So at the moment, I'm trying to think more positively about the quiet, scared and closed part of me, and not to hate that i am the way I am. After all, you get to a point where people know what you're thinking without the need for you to spell it out. An eye roll paints a thousand word!

Posting for posts sake.

Kirsty comes tomorrow and I should be tidying my room, but I'm not (in case you didn't realize).

Today I went to see Pirates of the Carribean At worlds End. Its one of those films that makes you wonder why we like some things and dislike others., or at least it made me wonder that.
It's a film with probably a billion flaws, the plot is sketchy, bits are ridiculously implausible, and of course for most people Orlando Bloom is a problem. But I liked it. Simple as that really.

So here's the thing. We don't all like the same things. We don't like things for the same reasons. You can hate one film because its cheese, love another for the exact same reason. Most of the time are "favorite" things is no where near the thing that we think is technically best. That applies to films, music, pictures, and probably people! Cheese summary: maybe the things we really like we like because of and in spite of their flaws. Perfect is not only unachievable...it's boring as hell!

Answer the question...not what you would like the question to be!!

I like this as an answer, you'd think it would have got something for original thinking!


Good Luck with the rest of your exams, try to get more than 0. :-)

There isn't enough room for me and your ego.

Ego:

1. The self, especially as distinct from the world and other selves.
2. In psychoanalysis, the division of the psyche that is conscious, most immediately controls thought and behavior, and is most in touch with external reality.
3. 1. An exaggerated sense of self-importance; conceit.
   2. Appropriate pride in oneself; self-esteem.

Good or bad thing?

Does an ego help or hinder?
If its the correct size it must help, tell you what you can do, what you can do. But then again does are ego hold us back if were not confident enough? Or make us idiots if its too inflated.
Ronaldo has one of the biggest egos on the football pitch...but then again, he is the best, voted for by the experts. So is he good because he has the confidence, the ego, to go out on the pitch and bash the ball? Or does skill allow an ego to develop? Could he do the things he does if he was a little more down to earth?

Exams mean Ego burst to the forefront, some thing they sill obviously do well, so that they will fail everything. I'm sure a balance opinion is must usefull, here an everywhere else. But who knows, i think this was just an excuse to search for things on the internet rather than revise.