Revolting Rhymes

Cinderella

I guess you think you know this story.
You don't. The real one's much more gory.
The phoney one, the one you know,
Was cooked up years and years ago,
And made to sound all soft and sappy
just to keep the children happy.
Mind you, they got the first bit right,
The bit where, in the dead of night,
The Ugly Sisters, jewels and all,
Departed for the Palace Ball,
While darling little Cinderella
Was locked up in a slimy cellar,
Where rats who wanted things to eat,
Began to nibble at her feet.

She bellowed 'Help!' and 'Let me out!
The Magic Fairy heard her shout.
Appearing in a blaze of light,
She said: 'My dear, are you all right?'
'All right?' cried Cindy .'Can't you see
'I feel as rotten as can be!'
She beat her fist against the wall,
And shouted, 'Get me to the Ball!
'There is a Disco at the Palace!
'The rest have gone and 1 am jalous!
'I want a dress! I want a coach!
'And earrings and a diamond brooch!
'And silver slippers, two of those!
'And lovely nylon panty hose!
'Done up like that I'll guarantee
'The handsome Prince will fall for me!'
The Fairy said, 'Hang on a tick.'
She gave her wand a mighty flick
And quickly, in no time at all,
Cindy was at the Palace Ball!

It made the Ugly Sisters wince
To see her dancing with the Prince.
She held him very tight and pressed
herself against his manly chest.
The Prince himself was turned to pulp,
All he could do was gasp and gulp.
Then midnight struck. She shouted,'Heck!
Ive got to run to save my neck!'
The Prince cried, 'No! Alas! Alack!'
He grabbed her dress to hold her back.
As Cindy shouted, 'Let me go!'
The dress was ripped from head to toe.

She ran out in her underwear,
And lost one slipper on the stair.
The Prince was on it like a dart,
He pressed it to his pounding heart,
'The girl this slipper fits,' he cried,
'Tomorrow morn shall be my bride!
I'll visit every house in town
'Until I've tracked the maiden down!'
Then rather carelessly, I fear,
He placed it on a crate of beer.

At once, one of the Ugly Sisters,
(The one whose face was blotched with blisters)
Sneaked up and grabbed the dainty shoe,
And quickly flushed it down the loo.
Then in its place she calmly put
The slipper from her own left foot.
Ah ha, you see, the plot grows thicker,
And Cindy's luck starts looking sicker.

Next day, the Prince went charging down
To knock on all the doors in town.
In every house, the tension grew.
Who was the owner of the shoe?
The shoe was long and very wide.
(A normal foot got lost inside.)
Also it smelled a wee bit icky.
(The owner's feet were hot and sticky.)
Thousands of eager people came
To try it on, but all in vain.
Now came the Ugly Sisters' go.
One tried it on. The Prince screamed, 'No!'
But she screamed, 'Yes! It fits! Whoopee!
'So now you've got to marry me!'
The Prince went white from ear to ear.
He muttered, 'Let me out of here.'
'Oh no you don't! You made a vow!
'There's no way you can back out now!'
'Off with her head!'The Prince roared back.
They chopped it off with one big whack.
This pleased the Prince. He smiled and said,
'She's prettier without her head.'
Then up came Sister Number Two,
Who yelled, 'Now I will try the shoe!'
'Try this instead!' the Prince yelled back.
He swung his trusty sword and smack
Her head went crashing to the ground.
It bounced a bit and rolled around.
In the kitchen, peeling spuds,
Cinderella heard the thuds
Of bouncing heads upon the floor,
And poked her own head round the door.
'What's all the racket? 'Cindy cried.
'Mind your own bizz,' the Prince replied.
Poor Cindy's heart was torn to shreds.
My Prince! she thought. He chops off heads!
How could I marry anyone
Who does that sort of thing for fun?

The Prince cried, 'Who's this dirty slut?
'Off with her nut! Off with her nut!'
Just then, all in a blaze of light,
The Magic Fairy hove in sight,
Her Magic Wand went swoosh and swish!
'Cindy! 'she cried, 'come make a wish!
'Wish anything and have no doubt
'That I will make it come about!'
Cindy answered, 'Oh kind Fairy,
'This time I shall be more wary.
'No more Princes, no more money.
'I have had my taste of honey.
I'm wishing for a decent man.
'They're hard to find. D'you think you can?'
Within a minute, Cinderella
Was married to a lovely feller,
A simple jam maker by trade,
Who sold good home-made marmalade.
Their house was filled with smiles and laughter
And they were happy ever after.

 -- Roald Dahl

Grumpy me

I hate me when I'm grumpy.
If I realize that I'm being grumpy or getting grumpy I try really hard to stop myself giving in to those feelings. But I have to confess that mainly I fail. I can't stop myself from getting grumpy, giving in to annoyance or stress or whatever it is that pulls at me.
I say grumpy, I mean being annoyed, pissed off, or generally short tempered. I don't get like this too often, but when I do I hate it in myself. Its not that I don't see the way I am, or why its stupid to be that way...it's just that I'm stuck in that way of thinking and need a bit of time before i can get out of it. Funnily enough the way I get when I'm annoyed normally leads to me acting in a way that I dislike in other people, very hypocritical I know, but sometimes you can't help it.
Then, with me, I get out of my bad mood as quickly as it came on, and I just know I was being silly.
I suppose it's just one of the pitfall that we come across from time to time and all I can do is try to avoid falling in, or aim to climb out as quickly as possible...oh and try not to be too much of a bitch in the meantime.

Shocking

I decided that by changing my blog layout I might inspire myself to start writing posts on a more regular basis. Lets face it, for me that wouldn't be hard. Anyway here is the first I'll try to fallow with something actually vaguely interesting when I'm not tired. Night. xx

Out of Africa...

the name of the cheesy African merchandise shop in the airport departures lounge of Johannesburg's main airport. After over a week in the tents of Mankwe game reserve in a world so far removed from the tacky, commercialism of real life, it was an interesting sight.

I'm not really sure where to start when it comes to describing those 13 days. I could start with some adjectives like amazing, awe inspiring, but really they don't do it justice. I feel like I've visited another world, and when the big air conditioned coach came to get us to take us to the airport it sort of shattered a dream.

So what was South Africa like, in brief, because I could go on for a long time.

Well, it was cold, very cold, at night. we all wrapped up and sat around the big fire pit huddling together with our fleeces and coats on. The first few days everyone shivered at night and in the morning. We had porridge and cooked breakfasts every morning to try to warm us up.
Then in was hot, during the day the sun came up and the temperature rose steadily and predictable so that slowly we all shed our gloves and got our sun glasses and sun cream out.
This was our daily cycle, warm clothes in the morning, slowly lost, then in the evening regained.

We stayed in a family run game reserve, with the amazing Dougal, Jack Bower of the game reserves, can do anything, placed himself between us and three angry Rhinos (literally), that sort of person.

We saw amazing animals, that can't really be described, and we ate lots of them!! Obviously not Rhino, giraffe or elephant...that would be stupid. But Wildebeest and Eland are lovely (spot the carnivore!)

I've been spiked repeatedly by a variety of species of Acacia bush, made a fool of myself in front of three lecturers and spent 25 hours on various planes.

So all in all, I'm warn out, happy, and have billions of photos!! Oh and I love traveling on open top jeeps!


P.S. The circle of life doesn't play every time the sun rises, but it was beautiful.

Hedgehogs of the World

A friend of my recently said that part of who we are is tied to what we don't tell people. Our personality is tied just as much to what we don't say or do, as it is to what we actually do or say. As people are inhibitions define us as much as any other aspect of our personality.

I'd never thought of it this way. I'm always very caught up in trying not to be the boring, quiet, closed person that I think I am. So I tend to think of inhibitions or fears, or just not wanting to talk about something as a bad thing. This doesn't mean I do it any less, it just means that I hate myself for doing it, I think should be stronger or braver.

But this conversation really made me think. What if it's not intrinsically a bad think. What it sometimes not telling people things is a good think, a part of my personality not to be despised but just another aspect of who I am.

Without my inhibitions, without yours, we wouldn't be the people we are, we would be unrecognizable, and we wouldn't necessarily be better, it wouldn't make us free. Without the parts of us that we don't show, or don't talk about or don't think people know (often they do anyway), without self enforced boundaries, we wouldn't be nice people to be around, we'd just be like animals.

So at the moment, I'm trying to think more positively about the quiet, scared and closed part of me, and not to hate that i am the way I am. After all, you get to a point where people know what you're thinking without the need for you to spell it out. An eye roll paints a thousand word!

Posting for posts sake.

Kirsty comes tomorrow and I should be tidying my room, but I'm not (in case you didn't realize).

Today I went to see Pirates of the Carribean At worlds End. Its one of those films that makes you wonder why we like some things and dislike others., or at least it made me wonder that.
It's a film with probably a billion flaws, the plot is sketchy, bits are ridiculously implausible, and of course for most people Orlando Bloom is a problem. But I liked it. Simple as that really.

So here's the thing. We don't all like the same things. We don't like things for the same reasons. You can hate one film because its cheese, love another for the exact same reason. Most of the time are "favorite" things is no where near the thing that we think is technically best. That applies to films, music, pictures, and probably people! Cheese summary: maybe the things we really like we like because of and in spite of their flaws. Perfect is not only unachievable...it's boring as hell!

Answer the question...not what you would like the question to be!!

I like this as an answer, you'd think it would have got something for original thinking!


Good Luck with the rest of your exams, try to get more than 0. :-)

There isn't enough room for me and your ego.

Ego:

1. The self, especially as distinct from the world and other selves.
2. In psychoanalysis, the division of the psyche that is conscious, most immediately controls thought and behavior, and is most in touch with external reality.
3. 1. An exaggerated sense of self-importance; conceit.
   2. Appropriate pride in oneself; self-esteem.

Good or bad thing?

Does an ego help or hinder?
If its the correct size it must help, tell you what you can do, what you can do. But then again does are ego hold us back if were not confident enough? Or make us idiots if its too inflated.
Ronaldo has one of the biggest egos on the football pitch...but then again, he is the best, voted for by the experts. So is he good because he has the confidence, the ego, to go out on the pitch and bash the ball? Or does skill allow an ego to develop? Could he do the things he does if he was a little more down to earth?

Exams mean Ego burst to the forefront, some thing they sill obviously do well, so that they will fail everything. I'm sure a balance opinion is must usefull, here an everywhere else. But who knows, i think this was just an excuse to search for things on the internet rather than revise.

Ordinary life is pretty complex stuff...

or so says Harvey Pekar

Some people are able to describe life with its ups and downs, its depressing, uplifting or amusing moments, in such a loving and achingly truthfully way.

I am not.

So after a considerable gap, I'm afraid what I have to report would I'm sure come across as very boring.

In general I've been plodding along very nicely, in my very own way. I've recently realised that some of my opinions of the world may seem very pessimistic, that the way I think the world works and my expectations of what life will bring can appear to be a complete downer.
I think the world has loads of negative aspects, I don't expect things to go brilliantly, and i think people are flawed, very flawed and often very wrong.
Yet, somehow, even as i say these things to me its not pessimistic.
I'm not sad, i'm not upset and I don't worry about these things.I don't think the world is a dreary place.
I'm not sure why this is, and I don't think I'll be able to explain it very well. The best i can do is say that I know that despite everything wrong in the world, the good is better, more worthwhile, stronger, and ultimately eclipses the bad. Not in a fairytale happy ending way. Just in a one good think turns all the bad things into noise, the stuff to get past, through, over, experience and make the good sweeter.

American splendor could be a film about nothing, or something. I thought there was something there, I'm not sure what.

Ramblings I know, but I was told to update!

Glasgow

It takes a long time to get to Glasgow from Bridlington! I mean I know in terms of the world, like say as journey from Australia to Brid, Glasgow isn't very far. But it is a long way to drive in a car with a dog draped over your leg.
But anyway this weekend that where I've been. I left Thursday morning at a relatively early time of 8:00 AM and got back Sunday.
I really like Glasgow, I know it has quite a bad reputation and people think its really rough but I've never really seen that side of it.
For me Glasgow means Broomhill which is the area where my Auntie Uncle and Cousins live. Glasgow means seeing people that I get on with really well but don't get to see enough of. I don't have a huge family, don't have loads of relatives that pop up all over the place and apart from Hartlepool the people that I would go and visit as family are extremely few and far between. (here I insert a dig at Emma - Hartlepool beat Darlington this week!!!) I suppose thats why I love seeing the family I do know.
Well this weekend has been no exception and I've had a brilliant time!
So quickly so that I don't bore you too much this weekend = shopping, eating, drinks, hearing practice French orals, pub lunch, pizza, lots of coffee shops and much talking (as you can imagine with 6 females in one house) :-)

Mothers Day

Yeah, so i understand that Mothers Day is, like so many other things in life, just an over commercialized thing, thrown in are faces for weeks in advance in a desperate attempt to make us buy stuff, and buy it now!
But, that doesn't mean that the deep meaning of it has to be completely lost to us.
Its bad that we have to be forced to do it, its bad that its can't just be allowed to be a spontaneous thing, but we should appreciate people that give us so much.
I know its not true for everyone, I know not all mothers are wonderful. But that just makes the good ones even more special.
Soppy as it is, my mum is special, shes brilliant and so to me, despite the sillyness of mothers day I like the opportunity to say so.
I realize I've been quoting alot recently but this is my mums favorite poem so I think its worth using, after all, the things you love show the person you are.

Wild Geese
by Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting —
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

Paul Simon

The way we look to a distant constellation
Thats dying in a corner of the sky
These are the days of miracle and wonder
And don't cry baby, don't cry
Don't cry

iTunes on random, first get this, then I get the backstreet boys, ironic.

A little bit different

Last night I went out for food and a few drinks with two of my friends from Biology. I don't know Sarah or Rebekha brilliantly, and it was really nice to meet up and get a chance to see them outside of the science site!
I realize that I'm a person that likes routine, I like to spend time with people I know well doing things that I'm familiar with. I like going to the bars that I know and being able to talk to people I'm completely comfortable with. But of course this means that sometimes I become very stuck. I am not averse to being stuck, I like stuck.
Anyway, the point is last night i did something out of my usual. I went to places that I haven't been, and had a really nice time. I left my hole/rut/comfort zone and did something a little bit different, and while I'm not the sort of person that tries new things all time, its good do every so often.

Hmmmm...happy

Its March, everyone rejoice. No particular reason why March should equal rejoicing, it just seemed as good a reason as any to be happy. Spring is on its way, the birds are singing, the trees are swaying. OK so I have too much time on my hands. But sometimes there doesn't need to be a reason for you to be happy. I'm happy, and there you go. :-)
:-)

The Little Voices

I think the things in life that hurt the most are often the little voices. The sly whisperings of people. The things that are said about, but not too you. The words not said to your face, but heard through the grapevine.
It hurts because they didn't say them to you. It hurts because you are the fool. The person that did not know. The last person to know? The idiot who expected better of people.
The voices hurt because how can you fight a phantom. How can you tell a faceless person the truth. How can you tell people who you are and explain the whole truth of your life to them, and why should you have to?
People are mean. Now I sound like a six year old, but sometimes thats just a thing you have to accept. People do hurt you, be it your best friend or someone that you don't even know, they can still hurt you.
I suppose the trick is to let yourself be hurt.
Because you can't wrap yourself up against people. That just wouldn't be living. If the voices get to you sometimes, just remember, they are only voices, and those that shout loudest don't always get heard by everyone. There are other, kinder voices too.

What passes for Love - other peoples say it better

I'm not very good at expressing my opinion. It tends to not come out right or I just end up not saying what I really mean cos I get confused. Or when I say it, no one is listerning. I think thats why I quote alot.

Well there is lots of stuff about Valentines day that been said and discussed and while talking to Emma about it these words kept going round in my head. So here is a quote that I think is appropriate. It may not be exactly what I think, but its better than my inarticulate way of stumbling around conversations.

Promises are made to be broken haven't you heard
You said he'd never break your heart now haven't you learned
You believed in the words and all that they meant
Whoaw, but love is not some popular song filled with empty sentiment

That's what passes for love
That's what passes for love these days
Oh these days

- Ron Sexsmith

Weird Laws

In Miami, it is forbidden to imitate an animal
So I think it is important that none of us ever go to Miami, what would happen if you started snorting? Can you say it was because you where laughing to much or will they cart you off for imitating a pig?Alaska law says that you can't look at a moose from an airplane.
Dam it thats my life's ambition!!
In Illinois, the law is that a car must be driven with the steering wheel.
So lets face it - Americans are weird!!
In Utah, birds have the right of way on any public highway.
In New Jersey, cabbage can't be sold on Sunday
In Virginia, chickens cannot lay eggs before 8:00 a.m., and must be done before 4:00 p.m.

Hope this helped you all procrastinate some more!! Is certainly helped me.

Home

Why do we like houses?
We like houses because they keep us warm, dry and safe. They are a shelter, they are a place to spend the night. I'm not sure that we appreciate them enough.
Even if we hadn't managed to get a house yesterday, we would not have ended up homeless, sitting out in the rain or the snow or the heat.
I suppose its good that we have never has to consider the possibility that we would be on the streets. Some people face this every day.
But yesterday we managed to find a house, half a days work. Not bad. Makes you very grateful.

A quote

More than anything I want to see you go
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world
- Snow Patrol
No reason for it, no deep point, and no reference to anything I've talked about today. I just like it.

A blog about fish.

I'm been doing some really boring work on fish. I mean fish locomotion is boring...they move in the water at different speeds according to loads of variables that scientists don't understand but spend a lot of time trying to work out. They have different types of muscle and generally... well they are fish.
But then again, they are pretty amazing...once you get past the fact that fish are fish.
There are so many different kinds of fish. There are tuna yes, but there are also Seahorses and Anglerfish and Butterfly fish. There are these fish called SeaDragons that look like seaweed but are actually beautiful delicate animals.
They have so many adaptations that allow them to survive, and live and reproduce and to be honest we really don't understand most of them, they're too complex. Out there in the Ocean they exist almost in another world, that is so far removed from our terrestrial world that we find it difficult to contemplate. A lost world on our door step.
So the moral of my little rant? I suppose there are two ways to look at anything. You can look at the mundane, or you can look a little deeper and see the beauty in things. Yes even fish are beautiful!!!

Worries

We live in a world of worries. A world which is full of things that are worth worrying about, and some things that probably aren't. To be honest we worry about worrying too much.
Sometimes we need to worry, if we didn't worry then how could we say that we cared.
But sometimes its just nice to stop. To not worry, for a little while, and just get on with life.
I've spent the weekend worrying about my test, and I'll probably spend the rest of the week worrying about my data handling. But for now, I'm having a night off.