Revolting Rhymes

Cinderella

I guess you think you know this story.
You don't. The real one's much more gory.
The phoney one, the one you know,
Was cooked up years and years ago,
And made to sound all soft and sappy
just to keep the children happy.
Mind you, they got the first bit right,
The bit where, in the dead of night,
The Ugly Sisters, jewels and all,
Departed for the Palace Ball,
While darling little Cinderella
Was locked up in a slimy cellar,
Where rats who wanted things to eat,
Began to nibble at her feet.

She bellowed 'Help!' and 'Let me out!
The Magic Fairy heard her shout.
Appearing in a blaze of light,
She said: 'My dear, are you all right?'
'All right?' cried Cindy .'Can't you see
'I feel as rotten as can be!'
She beat her fist against the wall,
And shouted, 'Get me to the Ball!
'There is a Disco at the Palace!
'The rest have gone and 1 am jalous!
'I want a dress! I want a coach!
'And earrings and a diamond brooch!
'And silver slippers, two of those!
'And lovely nylon panty hose!
'Done up like that I'll guarantee
'The handsome Prince will fall for me!'
The Fairy said, 'Hang on a tick.'
She gave her wand a mighty flick
And quickly, in no time at all,
Cindy was at the Palace Ball!

It made the Ugly Sisters wince
To see her dancing with the Prince.
She held him very tight and pressed
herself against his manly chest.
The Prince himself was turned to pulp,
All he could do was gasp and gulp.
Then midnight struck. She shouted,'Heck!
Ive got to run to save my neck!'
The Prince cried, 'No! Alas! Alack!'
He grabbed her dress to hold her back.
As Cindy shouted, 'Let me go!'
The dress was ripped from head to toe.

She ran out in her underwear,
And lost one slipper on the stair.
The Prince was on it like a dart,
He pressed it to his pounding heart,
'The girl this slipper fits,' he cried,
'Tomorrow morn shall be my bride!
I'll visit every house in town
'Until I've tracked the maiden down!'
Then rather carelessly, I fear,
He placed it on a crate of beer.

At once, one of the Ugly Sisters,
(The one whose face was blotched with blisters)
Sneaked up and grabbed the dainty shoe,
And quickly flushed it down the loo.
Then in its place she calmly put
The slipper from her own left foot.
Ah ha, you see, the plot grows thicker,
And Cindy's luck starts looking sicker.

Next day, the Prince went charging down
To knock on all the doors in town.
In every house, the tension grew.
Who was the owner of the shoe?
The shoe was long and very wide.
(A normal foot got lost inside.)
Also it smelled a wee bit icky.
(The owner's feet were hot and sticky.)
Thousands of eager people came
To try it on, but all in vain.
Now came the Ugly Sisters' go.
One tried it on. The Prince screamed, 'No!'
But she screamed, 'Yes! It fits! Whoopee!
'So now you've got to marry me!'
The Prince went white from ear to ear.
He muttered, 'Let me out of here.'
'Oh no you don't! You made a vow!
'There's no way you can back out now!'
'Off with her head!'The Prince roared back.
They chopped it off with one big whack.
This pleased the Prince. He smiled and said,
'She's prettier without her head.'
Then up came Sister Number Two,
Who yelled, 'Now I will try the shoe!'
'Try this instead!' the Prince yelled back.
He swung his trusty sword and smack
Her head went crashing to the ground.
It bounced a bit and rolled around.
In the kitchen, peeling spuds,
Cinderella heard the thuds
Of bouncing heads upon the floor,
And poked her own head round the door.
'What's all the racket? 'Cindy cried.
'Mind your own bizz,' the Prince replied.
Poor Cindy's heart was torn to shreds.
My Prince! she thought. He chops off heads!
How could I marry anyone
Who does that sort of thing for fun?

The Prince cried, 'Who's this dirty slut?
'Off with her nut! Off with her nut!'
Just then, all in a blaze of light,
The Magic Fairy hove in sight,
Her Magic Wand went swoosh and swish!
'Cindy! 'she cried, 'come make a wish!
'Wish anything and have no doubt
'That I will make it come about!'
Cindy answered, 'Oh kind Fairy,
'This time I shall be more wary.
'No more Princes, no more money.
'I have had my taste of honey.
I'm wishing for a decent man.
'They're hard to find. D'you think you can?'
Within a minute, Cinderella
Was married to a lovely feller,
A simple jam maker by trade,
Who sold good home-made marmalade.
Their house was filled with smiles and laughter
And they were happy ever after.

 -- Roald Dahl

Grumpy me

I hate me when I'm grumpy.
If I realize that I'm being grumpy or getting grumpy I try really hard to stop myself giving in to those feelings. But I have to confess that mainly I fail. I can't stop myself from getting grumpy, giving in to annoyance or stress or whatever it is that pulls at me.
I say grumpy, I mean being annoyed, pissed off, or generally short tempered. I don't get like this too often, but when I do I hate it in myself. Its not that I don't see the way I am, or why its stupid to be that way...it's just that I'm stuck in that way of thinking and need a bit of time before i can get out of it. Funnily enough the way I get when I'm annoyed normally leads to me acting in a way that I dislike in other people, very hypocritical I know, but sometimes you can't help it.
Then, with me, I get out of my bad mood as quickly as it came on, and I just know I was being silly.
I suppose it's just one of the pitfall that we come across from time to time and all I can do is try to avoid falling in, or aim to climb out as quickly as possible...oh and try not to be too much of a bitch in the meantime.

Shocking

I decided that by changing my blog layout I might inspire myself to start writing posts on a more regular basis. Lets face it, for me that wouldn't be hard. Anyway here is the first I'll try to fallow with something actually vaguely interesting when I'm not tired. Night. xx

Out of Africa...

the name of the cheesy African merchandise shop in the airport departures lounge of Johannesburg's main airport. After over a week in the tents of Mankwe game reserve in a world so far removed from the tacky, commercialism of real life, it was an interesting sight.

I'm not really sure where to start when it comes to describing those 13 days. I could start with some adjectives like amazing, awe inspiring, but really they don't do it justice. I feel like I've visited another world, and when the big air conditioned coach came to get us to take us to the airport it sort of shattered a dream.

So what was South Africa like, in brief, because I could go on for a long time.

Well, it was cold, very cold, at night. we all wrapped up and sat around the big fire pit huddling together with our fleeces and coats on. The first few days everyone shivered at night and in the morning. We had porridge and cooked breakfasts every morning to try to warm us up.
Then in was hot, during the day the sun came up and the temperature rose steadily and predictable so that slowly we all shed our gloves and got our sun glasses and sun cream out.
This was our daily cycle, warm clothes in the morning, slowly lost, then in the evening regained.

We stayed in a family run game reserve, with the amazing Dougal, Jack Bower of the game reserves, can do anything, placed himself between us and three angry Rhinos (literally), that sort of person.

We saw amazing animals, that can't really be described, and we ate lots of them!! Obviously not Rhino, giraffe or elephant...that would be stupid. But Wildebeest and Eland are lovely (spot the carnivore!)

I've been spiked repeatedly by a variety of species of Acacia bush, made a fool of myself in front of three lecturers and spent 25 hours on various planes.

So all in all, I'm warn out, happy, and have billions of photos!! Oh and I love traveling on open top jeeps!


P.S. The circle of life doesn't play every time the sun rises, but it was beautiful.

Hedgehogs of the World

A friend of my recently said that part of who we are is tied to what we don't tell people. Our personality is tied just as much to what we don't say or do, as it is to what we actually do or say. As people are inhibitions define us as much as any other aspect of our personality.

I'd never thought of it this way. I'm always very caught up in trying not to be the boring, quiet, closed person that I think I am. So I tend to think of inhibitions or fears, or just not wanting to talk about something as a bad thing. This doesn't mean I do it any less, it just means that I hate myself for doing it, I think should be stronger or braver.

But this conversation really made me think. What if it's not intrinsically a bad think. What it sometimes not telling people things is a good think, a part of my personality not to be despised but just another aspect of who I am.

Without my inhibitions, without yours, we wouldn't be the people we are, we would be unrecognizable, and we wouldn't necessarily be better, it wouldn't make us free. Without the parts of us that we don't show, or don't talk about or don't think people know (often they do anyway), without self enforced boundaries, we wouldn't be nice people to be around, we'd just be like animals.

So at the moment, I'm trying to think more positively about the quiet, scared and closed part of me, and not to hate that i am the way I am. After all, you get to a point where people know what you're thinking without the need for you to spell it out. An eye roll paints a thousand word!

Posting for posts sake.

Kirsty comes tomorrow and I should be tidying my room, but I'm not (in case you didn't realize).

Today I went to see Pirates of the Carribean At worlds End. Its one of those films that makes you wonder why we like some things and dislike others., or at least it made me wonder that.
It's a film with probably a billion flaws, the plot is sketchy, bits are ridiculously implausible, and of course for most people Orlando Bloom is a problem. But I liked it. Simple as that really.

So here's the thing. We don't all like the same things. We don't like things for the same reasons. You can hate one film because its cheese, love another for the exact same reason. Most of the time are "favorite" things is no where near the thing that we think is technically best. That applies to films, music, pictures, and probably people! Cheese summary: maybe the things we really like we like because of and in spite of their flaws. Perfect is not only unachievable...it's boring as hell!

Answer the question...not what you would like the question to be!!

I like this as an answer, you'd think it would have got something for original thinking!


Good Luck with the rest of your exams, try to get more than 0. :-)